If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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