my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
