I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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