someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My liver just had a heart attack.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
