So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
