I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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