hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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