Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
