I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
