So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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