Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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