Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
