He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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