The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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