he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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