im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
