Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
