I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
