If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just pee around me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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