I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
