I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
