i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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