guys are only as good as the porn they watch
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
