did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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