Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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