i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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