she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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