Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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