alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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