Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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