don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
