Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
