why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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