I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
