Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
