But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
