I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
