I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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