3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
