ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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