we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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