Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
