My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
