My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
