I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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