He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
