Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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