And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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