Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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