I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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