I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
