did you get engaged???
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
