Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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