I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
