They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
ttyl tear gas
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
